I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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