What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
