doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize