Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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