Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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