I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
