remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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