Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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