I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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