Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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