Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
