I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there is glitter all over my balls
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize