Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
