He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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