No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
