Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
