after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
