i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
