Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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