Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
