Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
