you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
