I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
