Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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