I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
