TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
