shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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