Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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