christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
