Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.