two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice