Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
