she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.