I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.