i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."