Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now

  (917): View more from New York City

  Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway

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  (917): Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now (917): Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway http://tfl.nu/aof1
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (1242)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone

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  (215): some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone http://tfl.nu/uc8d
  Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (1074)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

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  (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands... http://tfl.nu/51q8
  Replies (25) Good night (1363) Bad night (4036)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina just recognized that song.

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  (973): My vagina just recognized that song. http://tfl.nu/3ui0
  Replies (7) Good night (3150) Bad night (826)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

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  (419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65
  Replies (8) Good night (4188) Bad night (1057)
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  (661): View more from California

  u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom

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  (661): u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom http://tfl.nu/4j5d
  Replies (10) Good night (3364) Bad night (958)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?

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  (317): why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator? http://tfl.nu/5m0o
  Replies (10) Good night (2902) Bad night (958)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.

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  (651): Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult. http://tfl.nu/x3id
  Replies (1) Good night (1606) Bad night (669)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

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  (914): I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements. http://tfl.nu/p1je
  Replies (8) Good night (1445) Bad night (486)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"

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  (334): i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?" http://tfl.nu/0fwx
  Replies (7) Good night (605) Bad night (1497)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..

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  (425): I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt.. http://tfl.nu/0vvh
  Replies (6) Good night (917) Bad night (299)
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  (760): View more from California

  Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow

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  (760): Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow http://tfl.nu/8sxf
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (497)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already

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  (303): He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already http://tfl.nu/7hnl
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (413)
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  (716): View more from New York

  tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"

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  (716): tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered" http://tfl.nu/w7hl
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (253)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.

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  (225): Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into. http://tfl.nu/6a63
  Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (293)

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