Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?