I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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