dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
