allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
