next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
