Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
