cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Screwed.edu
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
