I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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