Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
