Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize