i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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