I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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