i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
