Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Someone shattered a urinal.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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