ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
