as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
