Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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