i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Im part way to drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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