your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
