i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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