Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
