he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
