she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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