You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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