The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
