Pants 0. Shit 1.
barbara walters just said penis...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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