Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
