alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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