I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
