Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
