I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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