then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
