I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
