im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
