well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
