Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
