hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
