I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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