Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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