I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
